First Fruits Friday - Complicated Grief

“He heals the broken -hearted and binds up their wounds”

Psalm 147:3

Some people believe that a miscarriage is no big deal. Others suffer from the loss of the baby. When a miscarriage comes after choosing life, it can lead to complicated grief. Recently, we met Anita and Devin*, a couple who at first wanted an abortion. They were overwhelmed; thought it wasn't the right time, and did not have the money to take care of a child. Neither of them wanted to have an abortion, they just did not see how they could care for a child.

After speaking with our team and not going in for their scheduled abortion, they agreed to meet with out Case Manager. In just three weeks working through Case Management, Anita and Devin realized that financially they were in a good position. They completed their budget and both began to save money. The goals of both were to pay down debt to increase their credit scores. Anita is continuing with college and will graduate with a degree this December. Devin wants to start his own business and has already met with the Small Business Development Center. He is also saving for a ring in order to ask his girlfriend for her hand in marriage. (Shhh - it's a secret)

Once they both realized that they COULD raise their baby, their anxiety decreased. They began to work on goals and to become excited about this new life. They even wanted to get another ultrasound just to see the development of the child.

Unfortunately, Anita began to show signs of miscarriage, and ultimately, this result was confirmed by the doctor. She was very upset and got to meet with Seneca’s Miscarriage Ministry Volunteer.  

Anita was hurt by a comment made to her during her miscarriage about the loss of her baby being God’s plan. She had only had one other person to share her sorrow and irritation with before stopping by Seneca.  In her conversation with the Miscarriage Ministry Volunteer, they unpacked this and then discussed that death was never part of God’s perfect plan for us. That Christ was sent to save us from death, and in the meantime, heal our broken hearts and  bind up our wounds. They talked about her baby's eternal soul, and that she will meet her baby one day. The volunteer encouraged Anita to think and pray about whether their baby was a boy or girl in order to give their child one of the names they had picked out as a couple. This way, they can remember their baby by name and acknowledge this life and loss. She also left with information about grief, inspirational scriptures and quotes, and a gift for bereaved mothers.

Meanwhile, the dad, Devin, met with the Case Manager, and for the first time in his life, was able to cry about the loss of his baby. This young couple went through an array of emotions over a 3 week period. They are still dealing with this loss. They have accepted the fact that their baby is gone and both say how this event has brought them closer together. 

This couple, who once contemplated taking the life of their child through abortion, are now grieving the loss of a life that they began to hold precious. We grieve alongside them, but we trust that Christ will bind up their broken hearts and use this to transform their lives. Seneca will continue to support this couple through their complicated grief through our Miscarriage Ministry and Seneca Sisters Support Group. At Seneca, it is never just about the baby. No matter how long a baby is on this Earth, we work tirelessly to honor their life and assist their parents. Our vision remains: “to create a culture of hope where the beauty of life is celebrated and healing is received.”

*Names changed for confidentiality